I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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