he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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