I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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