shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
