What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
