i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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