woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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