Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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