so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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