Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
