He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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