ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize