I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
