guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
