oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
God, you're like boner-b-gone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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