It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
