Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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