Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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