i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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