I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
