i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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