Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
