I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
