Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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