She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize