the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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