She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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