oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
