saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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