omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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