Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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