My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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