You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
