Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
kristin has been a bad kristin
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
