you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
