How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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