i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
