You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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