I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
