dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
