Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
