Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
sex in a hospital.. check
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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