Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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