spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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