Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
