see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
