Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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