quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
