Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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