If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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