Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
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