a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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