bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
