using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
