dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Text me some of your sweat
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
