I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
