May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
