its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
