so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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