I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My bed smells like the plague
I want a musical about memes.
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