I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
