is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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