i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Randomize
