And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
