I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
