I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
