tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
