I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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