If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
