weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize