my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
