Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
