I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
