We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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