on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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