oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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