8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize