True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
