my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
