I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
