6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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