Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
