I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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