it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
