So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He shit in the fireplace
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