I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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