i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Randomize
