I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
