Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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