Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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