OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
