Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize