office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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