We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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