i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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