I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
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