K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
