I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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