I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
