so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
