giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
