Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
