just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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