I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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